The Body

My body walks. My mouth talks. My mind drifts. How I wish all three could come together again.

Fire

The fire inside has died. I do not remember the exact moment of it being extinguished. No ember remains, simply coal. No fanning will bring the fire back to life. My soul is lost. It is only my body that walks and talks. All that is left is emptiness and strangeness to my manners. Where do I find a spark?

Let's Talk

Today is Bell Let's Talk Day in order to raise awareness for people suffering from mental health illnesses. Its so great to highlight the most important part of raising awareness about these devastating illnesses: we need to start talking about it. Erase the stigma! One of my heroes, Michael Landsberg, talks openly about his depression and some facts about how many Canadians do suffer from Mental Illness. Give it a watch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORgewkVpQjg

Cancer of the Mind

I have cancer of the mind. I can feel each tick of a second as if it lasts a lifetime. It's numbing yet all encompassing at the same time. It pulls your body downwards, your eyelids almost closing, your mouth immobile. Your head is the heaviest part of your body and it feels like it could snap off your neck at any moment. But the physical compares nothing to your thoughts. All I want to do is die. My friend lives in a high rise condo downtown with a balcony. One jump and all of this would be over. A subway train would be fast but messy.
Disturbed yet? You should be. The demon is still there, snaking its way in my brain. Beckoning me until it is too late to turn back. I can't win. As much as I pull and tug the demon will not budge. It simply moves from my mind to my soul, eating my insides away.

Concentrate On Today

Everything I Am

I may not be the prettiest or the wittiest
I may not be the smartest or the kindest
I may not be the bravest or the funniest
I may not be everything you expect
But I am true to myself.
What more can I ask for?

Will It Always Be Like This?

Wow. I can't believe I made it through another day like yesterday. I feel much better today but still a little worn out. Part of what got to me yesterday was: what if I have these experiences every few months for the rest of my life? I really don't know if I am strong enough to survive that.