I have cancer of the mind. I can feel each tick of a second as if it lasts a lifetime. It's numbing yet all encompassing at the same time. It pulls your body downwards, your eyelids almost closing, your mouth immobile. Your head is the heaviest part of your body and it feels like it could snap off your neck at any moment. But the physical compares nothing to your thoughts. All I want to do is die. My friend lives in a high rise condo downtown with a balcony. One jump and all of this would be over. A subway train would be fast but messy.
Disturbed yet? You should be. The demon is still there, snaking its way in my brain. Beckoning me until it is too late to turn back. I can't win. As much as I pull and tug the demon will not budge. It simply moves from my mind to my soul, eating my insides away.
Your words: "It Gets Better". Keep living please, it helps the rest of us. Have you ever tried meditation? It might help you purge anything you can personify as a demon.
ReplyDeleteyou can win. i believe in you. i love listening to your playlist on 8tracks. believe me its gets better. keep fighting, beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSuicide is a hard thought to battle. I'm sure you feel like it's the only answer...I do. Then only thing that stops me is the thought of how much my mother will cry, my girlfriend. I hope this will help you, think of the people who love you the most, and hold on to that because it may be all you have a lot of the time. Stay Strong Hannah.
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