Doing Something About It

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone!
I was really nervous about coming home for the holidays because as much as I love my family, home seems to have the most triggers for me simply because of the history. But so far except for some mild anxiety I have been faring great.
I have also started writing my whole story. I don't know if I'm nearly done because I don't know how much I'm going to write or include. But I'm hoping it will be successful and maybe even help some people. We'll see...
I still have to think of a new years resolution.

I'm Not Scared of Anything but...

My only fear is falling back into a depressed state. Whenever something bad happens throughout my daily life or I just have feelings of anxiety I always wonder, will this be the trigger that sends me spiraling downwards once again?
That's why I am looking forward to starting cognitive behaviour therapy so I can help myself when I am sitting on the fence between depression and balance.

Surprises

I just received a letter from a friend I have not heard from in awhile saying he had come across my blog.  I put my blog's link up on a site called 8tracks where I have made a playlist titled "For When You're Depressed" (it plays some of the songs I listed in the previous blog). I shared the the music to help people during tough days but I also put the link to this blog in order to raise more awareness. Back to the letter however, my friend happened across this playlist which lead to him sharing his story of depression with me.
It was a good reminder to why I am doing this in the first place, to reach others who have shared experiences with depression and other mental health illnesses. It is a good reminder that nobody is experiencing depression alone even though most days it can feel that way. Loneliness is my present much of the time. But it is little reminders like the letter I received that depression has effected many.
Since it has effected so many would it not be helpful for us to raise awareness together to make change happen now, so that we don't lose anymore people, especially youth to this painful disease.

Click this link to go to 8tracks playlist: http://8tracks.com/hannahelise/for-when-you-re-depressed

Music

Music has really helped when I'm dealing with depression, I have a specific playlist I use when I need something to help me get through an episode or to keep myself from falling in. I have to thank Mumford and Sons for truly helping me get through some of the tough times. They're song "The Cave" has one sentence in the lyrics which I can really relate to: "I'll find strength in pain."Another song which has helped is Float On by Modest Mouse with lyrics that say: "Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands, Good news will works its way to all them plans." I actually wrote that message on the inspiration chalkboard at the hospital before I left.
My playlist includes:
Float On - Modest Mouse
The Cave - Mumford and Sons
Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons
Don't Stop Believing - Glee Cast
Alright - Shiloh
Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles
Hard Line - Jill Barber
There She Goes - The Las

And sometimes when lyrics prove to be to much...classical music can be so soothing.

It Gets Better

I am very conflicted over the videos titled "It Gets Better" relaying the message to LGBT adolescents and teens about how their world will improve after leaving high school. But what about now? Rick Mercer from CBC rants about the need for action to be taken now, for things to get better right now. He calls upon adult role models to start taking action this minute.
That is my question for depression, what about right now? When I am in the middle of a depressed episode having people tell me that everything will get better eventually almost makes things worse. All I can think about how terrible my present feels. Action needs to be taken now.
I've seen one commercial advertising for depressionhurts.ca but other then that I think there is a huge lack of public awareness for depression as well as a lack of role models. We need to rid the whole stigma of mental health and start putting measures to make sure even when people, especially young people, are feeling this pain there is help readily available help. That is why I am sharing my story, I am slowly getting better. But my voice is not big enough yet to reach as many depressed people as I would like.

Avoiding It Doesn't Make It Go Away

It's been awhile since I've written, I'm one of those people who are good at starting up projects but not following through. But I would really like to stick to this writing because of the importance of the subject.
I've stopped counting days I've gone without any depression symptoms because I've been feeling better then ever. A bit of stress from exams and essays would have me a bit on edge but so far I've felt really balanced out. Its something I have to remember to be thankful for everyday. A day of depression feels about ten times longer than a normal day. I don't know if that makes sense, but perhaps its just because I really retain the memory of a depressed day then a not-depressed day.
As I get stronger I can't forget my journey and all the people who weren't able to get through the same difficulties I have.