My first clues...

I think the first time I started exhibiting symptoms of depression was when I was in grade seven, twelve years old. Back then I mostly attributed it to teen angst, everybody felt this moody right? I'd always been a moody child, just like my dad I was told. Sometimes I would feel so drained and I would be angered because I didn't know the reason why I didn't want to get out of bed. And I would get even angrier when trying to be forced to cool down. Anger has never been a major part of my depression but sometimes on the outside I do express myself in a "bitchy" manner. So back in grade seven when I would have my "moody" days I would apologize to anyone I had hurt, mostly my mother, when I was in that state.
I think that's something still important. Even with depression not being my fault, if I happen to burn bridges while in my deep episodes I have to remember to talk with the person about it later in order to have clarity of what was happening. Usually the only people that I will let see me with depression are people I feel close too. They understand, but I still want to make sure they know it's not them, its just depression. So I am very thankful for my support system. They don't have to be big, you're extremely lucky if you can count the number on one hand. It's just good to talk it out with my supporters once I am feeling back to myself.
I'm still really scared of falling back in, my biggest fear. It makes me sick thinking about it. But today is day eleven with no symptoms of depression.